How are we supposed to get out of a 'Now what?' moment?
What does 'be in it, for now' even mean? And is it just a matter of waiting, then? (Tell me it isn't!)
Welcome back to this series taking a closer look at ‘Now what?’ moments.
Last time, we:
Acknowledged that ‘Now what?’ moments are particularly hard because they touch your sense of self, not just your plans.
Remembered that they aren’t everyday stresses, and that they need a special kind of care.
Touched on letting things stay unfinished and giving yourself time to feel lost for a while.
But I get it, this all suggests that you stand still and sit in discomfort. And sometimes we need something to do.
So, in a series within this series, I’m sharing five tools to help you sit with the moment and to give you something to do.
Each tool leaves you with an output you can carry forward with you, that gives you clues to what’s next.
The tools will come out twice a week for the next couple of weeks.
But first, let’s just revisit what a ‘Now what?’ moment is.
Revisiting ‘Now what?’ moments.
Sometimes it’s the big ruptures.
The illness that forces you off track (like in my case).
The job that disappears (been there too).
The relationship that unravels.
The loss that changes how you see yourself and the world (raises hand).
Other times, it’s smaller, more mundane shifts.
The next job or promotion that doesn’t feel right, the course that ends in exhaustion, the birthday that leaves you with big questions.
The big ruptures and the small shifts are different in scale, but they share a thread, a sense of disorientation.
A sense of: This wasn’t supposed to happen. Or: Wasn’t it supposed to feel better than this?
Whether it’s a big rupture or a subtle shift, the impact is the same: you’re left in an uncomfortable in-between.
Most of us don’t sit well in that place. The place where things feel uncomfortable.
We grasp for something — anything — to give us direction or a sense of being in control again. A holiday. A flurry of job applications. Saying yes to that training course. Jumping into a new relationship.
But what if those quick fixes don’t work, or don’t last? When you know you don’t want to go back, but can’t yet see the way forward, the question remains: ‘Now what?’
I’m sharing five tools to help you sit with that moment.
And I don’t mean wallow or sit in a doom loop!
I mean, let’s see what this moment has to show you, and let’s try some things that will give you more information to work with.
That way, you can start to get a clearer sense of what might work for you next, without rushing into something that (later!) has you feeling you’re right back where you started.
So, instead of rushing into a quick fix, here are five simple tools you can experiment with when you find yourself in a ‘now what’ moment:
1. Retrace your steps.
2. Connect with the kind of day you're craving.
3. Uncover and understand what really matters.
4. Look a little closer, and get to know yourself.
5. Do some big picture thinking.
Here’s the low down on the first one. Watch out for the next four coming, sprinkling across the next two weeks, one at a time.
Tool 1: Retrace your steps, make sense of your journey.
Why it matters: When you don’t know how you got here, it’s hard to know where to go next. Looking back to look forward is often overlooked. But being in a ‘now what’ moment doesn’t mean disregarding everything that got you here. What got you here actually holds the glimmers of what is next. It’s where the good stuff is.
How to try it: Grab a pen and a blank sheet of paper. You’re making a map of your route travelled so far, so find a place on the paper to represent ‘now’ and draw an x.
Then draw a line towards the ‘x’ that represents the route that brought you here. Like a treasure map with decision points marked, difficult bits of the route, and highlights labelled.
Or, if it feels more intuitive, draw a graph on a timeline marked with highs and lows, and label them.
You’ll often find clues about what’s worth carrying forward, and what it’s time to leave behind.
Take a separate sheet and make some notes about what you notice. What are some themes, what have you learned, and what are some aspects of yourself that you want to revisit or bring more to the surface?
💡 I use this tool in my Design for Life (and Work) programme, where you get dedicated one to one support to navigate a change (or changes) in your life or work. If you’d like help with this, book a discovery call with me. Discovery calls are free, and no obligation.
Be in it. And do something.
Leaning into learning about yourself gives you something to do while you’re sitting with a now what moment.
The truth is, there isn’t going to be one right answer to a ‘now what’ moment. But with simple tools you can gather clues that hint at the way forward, a few threads to pull. And make choices from a place of greater certainty, that give you a sense of control, and that you feel comfortable about (even if they don’t work out).
If you try out this tool to retrace your steps, let me know how you got on: in the comments or by reply?
What felt uncomfortable and what felt easy?
What did you learn?
And watch out for the next tool, coming to you on Wednesday.
A little further reading.
If you found this edition resonated, what I shared here is connected to the idea that the future doesn’t get delivered. This idea, from William Bridges, is central to my work: The future is not like the post or your emails.
If ‘the future comes looking like something else’, then we can prepare for that by improving our decision-making capabilities, and developing deep knowledge about ourselves.
Don’t just take my word for it: Check out this review of Bridges’ book that has informed my practice for more.
Oops, sorry: an apology.
This post came to you a little later than planned. But life happens, am I right? And I’m making it up to you by bringing you a little flurry of mini posts for the next while. Right? Right :)
And an ask.
If you’ve enjoyed this or found it useful, the best way to support my writing is to subscribe or forward this to someone who might be in their own ‘Now what?’ moment.
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