Last month, I shared what it feels like to hit that point where the life you’re living no longer matches who you are and what you want.
When this happens, you're left with a question that's as universal as it is unsettling: "Now what?"
These moments of profound uncertainty aren't just challenging, they're transformative crossroads that shake our sense of identity and purpose in uniquely powerful ways. You lose a sense of the path or journey you were on. And more than that, you also lose a part of your identity - or at least, a part of your identity has changed.
‘Now what?’ moments are defined by revelation of a mismatch between: your outer life and your inner life.
Your outer life reflects what you’re doing, and what others see.
Your inner life reflects how you feel inside, as well as what matters to you, how you want to feel, who you want to be.
From the last edition, July 2025.
What makes these moments so unique?
It’s not just that something happened. It’s how it feels.
Suddenly, the things that used to help… don’t.
The tools you’ve always leaned on start collapsing, like sandcastles as the tide slips in.
The usual coping strategies stop working.
You might take the afternoon off. Go for a walk. Take a nap. You try to clear your head, only to find you still feel disconnected, flat, and unsure what the next step is. There’s no quick reset here, no matter how many times you try.
The world still expects you to function.
Your inbox keeps filling up, with messages that need replies. Colleagues or clients want your input. And while nothing has imploded, something feels like it cracked for you. Life and work move on. Part of you wonders, ‘Why can’t I just get it together?’
The world expects you to decide quickly (or at least, it feels that way).
No one has actually asked you for an answer. But every time someone looks at you, it feels like they’re looking for an answer you just can’t give.
The questions shift.
It’s no longer, ‘How do I find the next step?’.
Now it’s, ‘What even is this?’
“Why do I feel so off? What happened to the version of me that used to feel clear and determined?”
And deep down, there’s a tug-of-war.
You want certainty, crave it. But you also sense that this isn’t just a blip, it’s a call for change. You’re ready for something else.
You start imagining alternatives, like quitting, pivoting, or pausing. But they feel just as risky as staying where you are.
You want to keep going, but you also want something different, even if you can’t name it yet.
What our brain does.
These moments often tip us into either / or thinking. Black and white thinking is one of the modes of thinking we tip into when fight or flight hits. these are normal physiological responses.
The response isn’t that helpful though. It’s as if there are only two ways forward; a this or that decision to be made.
Do I allow myself to question things more deeply? Or just push through?
Do I explore something new? Or double down on the old plan?
Do I stop and take stock? Or keep going and hope it falls into place later?
This can go on for a while.
Because we’re stuck in this type of thinking, we miss that there’s a quieter third option. This third option looks like this: Not forcing a decision. Not rushing to name the discomfort. Not closing our mind off to other options. Not changing everything either.
This third option can feel like a tightrope walk: Creating enough space to feel the disorientation and be open to other options, without rushing in to a reactive decision.
TL;DR. Be in it. For now.
I guess you’re thinking: Well, that’s all well and good, Lou. But what do I actually do?
What helps in these moments is often a little kindness.
Acknowledge that it’s particularly hard because it touches your sense of self, not just your plans.
Remember, this isn’t everyday stress. These moments ask deeper questions, to check in with who you are, as well as where you’re heading. That needs a special kind of care.
Let things stay unfinished. Give yourself time to feel lost for a while.
There’s also some specific tools and frameworks you can use to help you find your way. I borrow these from design thinking and from a field called support planning. I’ve incorporated both into my Design for Life programme, and I’ll share more on those next time.
🧭 If you’re in a ‘Now what?’ moment and want company in figuring it out, I have availability in mid- and late-August and September. Find out more about Design for Life or book a discovery call.
Next time…
In the next post we’ll explore how to begin finding your way through a ‘Now what?’ moment. With tools, prompts, and gentle strategies to help you find your self, and your way, again.
